A long sabbatical yes.
In that time, I had realised something, which is highly highly relevant to Indian mothers (especially those that of the daughters). Well, what can I say, most mothers are control freaks (on their children).
Some 2 years back, I was 23 years old (as in, an adult able enough to understand life, work, and in parents' view, grown enough to take up the responsibilities of a marriage life). Even then, whenever I am at home and my mom wakes up (not completely, but still in her half closed eyes) from her small afternoon/evening nap, the first thing she does is call out my name and ask where am I or what am I doing. I used to find this irritating, invasion of my 'self' time. Then, out of frustration one day I sat down to think, why does she do that? Why does she want to know where I am? What am I doing? I am an adult for *&$^&) sake!
Then it dawned on me. It is a very common scene in Indian households, to find the mom as the sole caretaker of her toddler, all through the infancy. And of course we all know how understanding are toddlers in letting their mom have their peaceful sleep through the night. So, the mothers take advantage and also take small naps during mid day times with all their thoughts and dreams and ears open to their toddlers' sounds. So, the first thing they would do on waking up is, 'Tara! sweetheart, where are you??????'. Or they would snooping around the house, to check on their little one. So you see, my mom has taken this practice a step further and still continues to keep a check on me! Such habitual it has become. And that, being a single girl child in the household, affection and protection always leaps over the cliff!
This habit is not limited to the above scene. In general all mothers' minds will always want to keep track of their kids' activities. And so, develop some (unnecessary) worries - Omg! she studying in that foreign land or she is working away from home! Hope she is safe. Hope she is not influenced into drinking and partying! What if she ends up with bad influence! I am not there to guide her between right and wrongs!
Oof! so much worries in their heads that, when they call:
Mom: Hello sweetheart! What are you doing?
Daughter: At home watching movie.
Mom: But I hear music and male voices. Are you out? Are you lying?
Daughter: No amma. I am at home. The sounds are from outside. My windows are open.
Mom: Listen, if you are getting into something bad ......
(and then goes the lecture cum small arguments)
But, the beauty element is, all these worries and cautions are only till their child stay alone. If sh gets married, then the conversation will be like this:
Mom: Hello! How are you? Are you out?
Daughter: I am good. Yes amma. I am out for dinner with friends.
Mom: Is your husband with you?
Daughter: Yes.
Mom: Ok. I will call you tomorrow! Bye!
He! he! So basically, influenced by all the social news, and with their weird brains' filtering mechanism of keeping those that are only negatively valenced, they are in constant worry for our safety. Also, their control is restricted by the child's independent character and so, the mom-child location distance. This restriction to their hands on control exaggerates their worries and fears. But, the beauty element is, these (unnecessary) worries will vanish in a snap, once the girl gets married. For, now the control baton has been shifted to the husband. And that husband? No no, not someone she knows for long. It was an arranged marriage. But she is more than relieved to transfer that control on to him (an unknown acquaintance), than to her own daughter (who she knows since the last 25 years, and one who is known for her maturity and independent character).
I am not telling this to blame mothers. In fact, there is no one to blame. It is all a product of societal upbringing. But this realisation is a very small factor that helps one understand how fair or unfair is this upbringing affecting or influencing an individual's life.
In that time, I had realised something, which is highly highly relevant to Indian mothers (especially those that of the daughters). Well, what can I say, most mothers are control freaks (on their children).
Some 2 years back, I was 23 years old (as in, an adult able enough to understand life, work, and in parents' view, grown enough to take up the responsibilities of a marriage life). Even then, whenever I am at home and my mom wakes up (not completely, but still in her half closed eyes) from her small afternoon/evening nap, the first thing she does is call out my name and ask where am I or what am I doing. I used to find this irritating, invasion of my 'self' time. Then, out of frustration one day I sat down to think, why does she do that? Why does she want to know where I am? What am I doing? I am an adult for *&$^&) sake!
Then it dawned on me. It is a very common scene in Indian households, to find the mom as the sole caretaker of her toddler, all through the infancy. And of course we all know how understanding are toddlers in letting their mom have their peaceful sleep through the night. So, the mothers take advantage and also take small naps during mid day times with all their thoughts and dreams and ears open to their toddlers' sounds. So, the first thing they would do on waking up is, 'Tara! sweetheart, where are you??????'. Or they would snooping around the house, to check on their little one. So you see, my mom has taken this practice a step further and still continues to keep a check on me! Such habitual it has become. And that, being a single girl child in the household, affection and protection always leaps over the cliff!
This habit is not limited to the above scene. In general all mothers' minds will always want to keep track of their kids' activities. And so, develop some (unnecessary) worries - Omg! she studying in that foreign land or she is working away from home! Hope she is safe. Hope she is not influenced into drinking and partying! What if she ends up with bad influence! I am not there to guide her between right and wrongs!
Oof! so much worries in their heads that, when they call:
Mom: Hello sweetheart! What are you doing?
Daughter: At home watching movie.
Mom: But I hear music and male voices. Are you out? Are you lying?
Daughter: No amma. I am at home. The sounds are from outside. My windows are open.
Mom: Listen, if you are getting into something bad ......
(and then goes the lecture cum small arguments)
But, the beauty element is, all these worries and cautions are only till their child stay alone. If sh gets married, then the conversation will be like this:
Mom: Hello! How are you? Are you out?
Daughter: I am good. Yes amma. I am out for dinner with friends.
Mom: Is your husband with you?
Daughter: Yes.
Mom: Ok. I will call you tomorrow! Bye!
He! he! So basically, influenced by all the social news, and with their weird brains' filtering mechanism of keeping those that are only negatively valenced, they are in constant worry for our safety. Also, their control is restricted by the child's independent character and so, the mom-child location distance. This restriction to their hands on control exaggerates their worries and fears. But, the beauty element is, these (unnecessary) worries will vanish in a snap, once the girl gets married. For, now the control baton has been shifted to the husband. And that husband? No no, not someone she knows for long. It was an arranged marriage. But she is more than relieved to transfer that control on to him (an unknown acquaintance), than to her own daughter (who she knows since the last 25 years, and one who is known for her maturity and independent character).
I am not telling this to blame mothers. In fact, there is no one to blame. It is all a product of societal upbringing. But this realisation is a very small factor that helps one understand how fair or unfair is this upbringing affecting or influencing an individual's life.
Comments
Post a Comment
You can share your thoughts here.