Being An Outlier

We, humans, are social beings surrounded by family, friends, and community. At every given time we include ourselves as part of one social circle or the other. In fact, we naturally desire that inclusivity. Devoid of them, we feel a huge void of loneliness.

Living in such close knitted social circles, what does it take for one of us to be an outlier? How do our societal systems allow for embracing outliers? More specifically, how do families embrace one of their own who is an outlier?

Kanak (name changed) was an outlier in her community. She is in her 12th standard. Because she proved herself in her studies, unlike her friends' fathers, her father encouraged her to take up tuitions a little away from her village. Obviously, he would drop her and there were strict conditions on timings and public behaviour. Most of her friends know that their education might be discontinued soon, just like their elder sisters. So their reveries were often restricted to being the good girl for their parents, and apprehensively desiring for a good boy who respects them. But Kanak dreamed of a different future for her. She aspired to be an IPS officer who would leverage her authority to bring about fair decision making among all castes in her community village. Other than studying well, she does not know of the means to achieve her goal. But she is determined. Her courage and determination was a cause of apprehension and fear to her parents. While they do want her to be educated and live a better life than theirs, they fear that their family honour will be at stake if she is not married off sooner, and if she doesn't earn a good name with her in-laws. Her parents' dream of her rested with her marriage and motherhood, just like every other parent in their community.

Like Kanak I came across two other outliers: Rekha (name changed), 20 years old, who had been successful in dodging all her marriage proposals and is now working as a field agent for her district's NGO. The other was Mohan (name changed), riding his early adolescence, and strongly believes that women should be better respected and treated more equally. His thinking was unlike many of his peers who were ignorant and misinformed about respect and consent. They merely abided by the social norms and think that women need to be kept in their place, or otherwise their family's honour will be at stake.

As I pondered about these characters whom I had come across during my research for one of the projects, I was suddenly curious about their sustenance as an outlier in their conservative and vulnerable communities. I wondered how they coped with naysayers and shamers. I wondered how they handled their parents, elders and brothers, and in turn, what was their family's reaction. I wondered as to when will their fight for self and principle see fruition. 

Outliers are found in every community, urban or rural. They are the 'tempered radicals*' who influence their social circle towards change. Their fight is often tough because communities have tactics to suppress and outcast normative deviants. Such punitive approach to deviance is common and often instinctive, irrespective of the closeness of their relationship with the outlier. With such emotionally overwhelming contingencies, how do the outliers cope and smell success in their endeavours? 

Drawing from my own personal experience as an outlier, and upon observing various outliers in my research projects, I have identified few key strategies that we use to cope and cling on to hope:

Pick A Champion
No job gets done by a single person. We, humans, pool together, cooperate, coordinate and help. Outliers are often surrounded by people whose ideologies differ from their own. It is difficult to sustain cordial relationships and smooth conversations between opposing ideologies. To live at such crossroads outliers often pick a champion from among their social circle, with whom they can bounce off their radical thoughts, and who will be approachable when everyone else outcasts them. The champion could be their mother, sister, best friend, uncle or anyone. But they pick their person.

Trade-Off
This is the survival of the fittest strategy among outliers. Sometimes even if they don't agree with the others, they let the others win. Putting up a fight at every instance will bring no change and could backfire. To win one has to let win. Then their pursuit will survive.

Dream

Outliers are often future thinkers. They dream of themselves as the community's change agent who achieves a brighter future and holds the authority to bring about betterment to their community. Their anticipation of achieving this dream feeds their determination and courage to confront and overcome societal hurdles.

Persistent

The self-motivated agency of an outlier is unfortunately curbed by most societies, and adherence to 'time-tested' norms are instead insisted and forced. Yet, they don't get derailed with losing a fight. They are emotionally strong, confident and persistent towards achieving their dream.

Outliers are the minorities in their community. They stand-out, but their ideologies and desires are subdued only because they are not normative, and would make people surrounding them uncomfortable. There are only a few people who encourage and accept outliers. Otherwise, societal support is often nil for these deviants. But these do not deter them. Change needs disruption, and outliers are often the proud and rightful disruptors.

*The Tempered Radicals How employees push their companies – little by little – to be more socially responsible by Debra E Meyerson