Being Social

We, humans, are social beings surrounded by family, friends, and community. At every given time we include ourselves as part of one social circle or the other. In fact, we naturally desire that inclusivity. Devoid of them, we feel a huge void of loneliness. Living in such close knitted social circles, what does it take for one of us to be an outlier?  How do our societal systems allow for embracing outliers? More specifically, how do families embrace one of their own who is an outlier? Kanak (name changed) was an outlier in her community. She is in her 12th standard. Because she proved herself in her studies, unlike her friends' fathers, her father encouraged her to take up tuitions a little away from her village. Obviously, he would drop her and there were strict conditions on timings and public behaviour. Most of her friends know that their education might be discontinued soon, just like their elder sisters. So their reveries were often restricted t...

Aditya and I had made some decisions that lead me to shift to Delhi, leaving my five-year stint at Mumbai. I had shifted in December and he had shifted few three months before. I was excited, primarily because the process that led to this shift was exciting and not because of the destination it was leading to. I had never wanted to live in Delhi, you know, for the obvious reasons - safety! Hailing from outside of Delhi of course, my ideology was biased by media. Which was why the city was a circumstantial choice and not an individual preference. Albeit, like I had mentioned, the process that led to this shift - thrilling experiences of sneaking away from home to spend time with Aditya, search for a house here with him, buy household products and along with the anticipated excitement about the (unknown) post-wedding lifestyles - made me want to give a genuine attempt to live in this notorious capital city. I had no expectations about my post-wedding lifestyle mostly bec...

I enjoy writing. I have around eleven essays that I had written through childhood and adolescence. The topics covered random domains, right from hugs and eunuch to science and technology. They were both written and read by me. I used to not write for an audience. I find pleasure in taking time to pen down words on topics that fascinate me, and I have thoughts on. When I first started writing essays, I thought about how I wanted to write: I lacked the imagination to write in the third person, so, to sway away the 'I's, I had ignored the first person and started off in the second person, only to come to a realisation that it sounded too authoritative and instructive for my style. So I had to settle for first-person writing, which gelled well. I used to (and still!) visualize myself as a columnist, sharing her knowledge and pondering with her fellow audience. But the role of an audience stopped within my head. I never intended for it to become a reality. Sometime between ...

*When I was young, I mean in my school and college days, I used to write down my thoughts as articles, with a hope to get them published in newspapers/magazines. But I never took the next step. Recently while shifting from my old house, I found these handwritten articles. I have decided to publish them on this blog, however embarrassing they may be! Below is one of them.  Disclaimer: All these articles are unedited and facts unchecked. So stupidity and structural inconsistencies will be inevitable.* All you need is a ..... HUG! Once in my class, our lecturer who is a (self-proclaimed) psychoanalyst as well, threw at us a question: What would you do, if you see that your friend is depressed and is crying? Many answered, "I will console him.", "I will crack jokes and try to make her smile.", and so on. But it was only one student who said, "I will probably give him a hug and let him talk about the problem." Donning the role of a psychoanalyst, my le...

Over 65% of my research is done and this is my opinion about marriage - It is a union for convenience. It maybe for economic, cultural or emotional. In the past it seems to have been predominantly for economic and cultural convenience, fed by the need to expand one's own community and sustained by the ability to procreate. Then later on, encouraged by our human trait to find meaning in actions, marriage came to be a ceremonial significance of 'eternal love' for each other - the emotional convenience. Yet the amusing thing about us human beings is that we can sustain living neither with our own-selves alone, nor with a family or a community or a person. Why because, on one hand, loneliness is like an empty vessel. It makes too much noise in our head and keeps reminding us of how disconnected we are from social beings, and how much probably are we missing out by way of that. On the other hand, with every 'interconnected' relationship outside of wedlock, our only ap...

Hi Jacob, I do not know who you are. I do not know your last name. All I know of you is that your are Jacob, and that you had called the Axis Bank customer care centre at 2.53PM today. Why am I writing all this to you? Well, you had been one of those good samaritans and had blocked my (lost) debit card. For the record, I hadn't even noticed that I had lost it, till I saw the message from Axis. Thank You so much Jacob! Thank you is an under statement I know. But I am not sure what else I can do. For, those were the only details the customer care had. They neither had your last name (then I would have stalked you online, of course merely to reach out to you), nor your phone number. Again, thank you Jacob. I feel indebted.

Mom Calling: Hey! how are you? What plans for the evening? Me: Nothing much. Just going out with my office friends. . . . Time: 21:30pm Mom Calling ..... Me: Rushing to a quite place (mostly the toilet area of the mall) Mom: Hello, are you back home? Me: Yes! yes! long back! . . But all this while, I was out with my 'DATE'. Meanwhile, my parents were doing this: My dreaded situation? Let's say I have finally hit it off with this guy I had found through an online dating site. All has been going good for the last 2 months when I get this set of profiles to choose from, from my parents. Being respectful of their attempts and to tag along with the 'societal norms', I pick one of the profiles for I had already dodged their last 5 attempts. Then suddenly the chosen profile side had also agreed to mine! O M G! What do I do now? Do I see both of them? Do I continue with my guy, tell him of my situation, and as well go on a date with this...

Today (Monday) I am taking an off from work. (After continuous work days since last 3 weekends, one needs a break, mentally at least!) This feeling of 'work off on Monday' was slowly growing on me since last evening. I found myself often going back to those school days when you were taking a leave and feeling so naughtily blissful about the fact that here you are watching TV, playing and enjoying, whereas your friends had to slog at school. Then today I wake up, and..I am suddenly aware that I don't feel that bliss anymore. Not just that! In fact, I do not feel like its an extended weekend! The morning sounds are different, there is more sound of traffic, less calmness in the ambiance and the sun is brighter! (Not that it is generally any less brighter on a Saturday/Sunday). And!...and..I did not really want to stay hugged to my pillow for a little longer! (wailing in my head!). The rush of Monday is getting on to me, although I don't want it. Though mentally dra...

While the there are 'inking' talks going on - an incident which is an expression of the majority/minority of the population for whom magnanimity is simply a matter of words and never in action, I had come across this image below, a few days back: The paper does not seem to mention this. But, WHAT THE HECK ARE WE DOING!!!?? Of course photos are meant to be a repository of our memories to experience nostalgia, to remember people & experience and to look back at ourselves. At any point, do we want to save a memory of a our presence at a funeral? What do we describe whilst looking the pics? - 'Hey! This was a selfie which I had taken at so & so;s funeral?!!' Is it sounding ridiculous only to me? It is but natural for us to shower some smile on to our faces when someone takes a picture of us. But when the setting is funeral, do we want a photograph to look back to where we are standing as a couple and smiling for a click at a place where we had actually gone...

Last week I had finally added count to the mass who have watched and liked Tamil movie '36 Vayadhinile'. My brain, devoured by the philosophy of the movie, found an interesting thought. As questioned in the movie - 'Who decides the expiry date of a woman's dream?' There are many answers we have come across - the male chauvinists, patriarchal society and sometimes the women themselves. But, don't you think, underlying all this is OUR own SOCIAL CONSTRUCT and our own methods of children upbringing? Right from the day parents gain knowledge of the gender of their baby, their's and the society's expectations as well get aligned. By expectations I mean - for a girl, she is expected to emotionally and morally support and strive for the family, flex to the husband's job opportunities, expected to call her in-laws amma and appa, expected to know cooking and help in the kitchen even when visiting some place as a guest!  And also, the women are expect...

Image Source: http://art.brainpickings.org/post/89158840685/albert-camus-on-happiness-and-love-illustrated-by I have this little piece by Albert Camus stuck on to my wall. And my favourite is the first line - "If those whom we begin to love could know us as we were before meeting them, they could perceive what they have made of us." Once when my friends had come over, they took to offence up on reading this. I understand the reason behind their reaction. Unlike those days when women were expected to 'adjust' in accordance with their men and family, in this modern age we live by rule that 'I won't change for anyone except thyself'. So obviously in that perspective, the line was perceived chauvinistic. But I viewed it through a different lens and made a rather unconvincing explanation to them - "It means to say how the influence of that person's personality and one's experience with that person have transformed our own 'self'....

Just a sudden train of thought. I was cooking and thinking how we emotionally attach ourselves to materialistic things. And my question is, why is attaching oneself to tangible objects ill-favoured? Of course Alexander the Great wanted to not burry his hands to show that he owns nothing when leaving this world. True story. But that is no reason for us to restrict ourselves from experiencing this world, is it? And possessions add to our experience and understanding of this world, and more importantly, self. If we analyse, clearly our wishes and desires drive our every decision and action towards anything to do with 'materialistic things'. Let's say that we want to own a particular kind of cell phone for its features and the interactive experience that it might bring with them. Once owned, lets say we lost it (ahem! kindly refer my previous blog:  My Extended Self..My Mobile.. ). We cringe at the loss. We become helpless because we had put in effort to finally afford a d...

Five days back I had been cursing my cell phone. Who even invented that gadget! I understand it is very useful in a lot of ways. But, those muted group conversations irritate me. I do not want to be a part of those random conversations, and I don't want to see those random pictures shared. Every once in a while I have to take the effort to clear such conversations and remove those 152 odd numbers of random forward images that get shared. Secondly, with these cell phones in hand, you make yourself available at all times, to those who have your number. One can show our unavailability by not picking the call. But still with the mobile beside us, we get invaded by such calls which we do not want at the moment. Well of course I have the option to not to have a cell phone and set my own standards to go about my life without it. Or simply, I could just leave my mobile at home when going to some places. But what to do, a single girl living in a city away from home, is always expected to c...

A long sabbatical yes. In that time, I had realised something, which is highly highly relevant to Indian mothers (especially those that of the daughters). Well, what can I say, most mothers are control freaks (on their children). Some 2 years back, I was 23 years old (as in, an adult able enough to understand life, work, and in parents' view, grown enough to take up the responsibilities of a marriage life). Even then, whenever I am at home and my mom wakes up (not completely, but still in her half closed eyes) from her small afternoon/evening nap, the first thing she does is call out my name and ask where am I or what am I doing. I used to find this irritating, invasion of my 'self' time. Then, out of frustration one day I sat down to think, why does she do that? Why does she want to know where I am? What am I doing? I am an adult for *&$^&) sake! Then it dawned on me. It is a very common scene in Indian households, to find the mom as the sole caretaker of he...

When I tell you - "24 hours is not enough!", how well do you understand this phrase? Well, I never understood before! But now....I do. So the fortnight long sabbatical from my blog. And also why, being a designer myself, my view of my first Kala Ghoda Festival which ended on the 15th of this month, is not yet featured in my blog. I will come back to it in my next post! But now (before I forget the premises), there is something else that I would like to write about. CAUTION: This is a little too personal for my blog's taste and style. Yet, I wanted to put it out there in the Universe. Source: http://blog.runrun.it/en/create-your-opportunities-and-get-noticed/ In my professional world, people consider me to be an architect. My friends and relatives think either I am working as a Civil Engineer or designing buildings in an architecture firm. And as of me, few months back I decided 'Designer' best suits my skills. But lately, based on some office talks ...

Source:  http://www.vishwagujarat.com/entertaintment/dhanu-shamitabh-bachchan-first-look-of-movie-shamitabh/ Movie reviews are not my cup of tea but SHAMITABH ....................... I have a friend, who sits through the cast, crew and sponsor credits that gets enlisted after the movie completes. When I had come to know of this practice of his for first time, I was thinking - "What's the point? Weird it is!". But Shamitabh made me realise the point. It made me sit through the last listing, up till the sponsors. Such is the effect that Shamitabh instills on its viewers. Of all the elements that bind a movie, clearly for R.Balki, in this movie, the storyline takes the front seat, which is augmented by Ilayaraja's smooth, trendy, pleasant to the ears BGM and soundtrack. Will the story standout without the music? No Doubt! It will make a classy and 'touchy' bestselling novel!  On the other hand, will Ilaiyaraja's music (BGM in particular) make ...

I am 25, working away from home, living by myself and single since the last 5 years. In these 5 years, my few little dreams have come true, I had reached at least one milestone in my life, made friends internationally and still pursuing my dreams in every little thing. Basically, I am living my life embracing the pitfalls, rising like a phoenix and gifting myself for my milestones, all independently and responsibly (or so I think!). While all these were happening to me, people / friends in my circle were also stepping up the ladder in their lives, facing their own challenges and reaching their milestones. And one common milestone among most were either marriage, proposal acceptance or becoming a mom! And I was here, being me, having a great social and professional life but an uneventful personal life. My personal life was not empty empty. I played violin, shopped, expanded my book library, ran a marathon and what not! And I did enjoy them. But also, I secretively craved ...

I recently read this somewhere: 'If those whom we begin to love could know us as we were before meeting them, they could perceive what they have made of us.' (just don't go down yet...*peace*) . . . . . . . . Every time I read or get reminded of this, I take my time to process the essence of this beautiful statement. It deserves that honour. It makes so much sense! May be is this why people say, it is always better to marry a friend? Of course you need attraction & 'feelings' towards that friend, to fall in love. But if you find that love in your friend and that friend understands what has he, as a person, as an individual, since that moment you fell in love with him has made of you, there's nothing more precious a gift than that. My eyes caught this beauty when I was (am) in that phase of my life where eventually I succumbed to reality and met my first prospective 'would-be', arranged by my parents! :| Till then, the dogma I had ...

Apparently, 'Kolam' is a tribal community of around 2,00,000 people distributed between Madhya Pradesh, Maharashtra and Andhra Pradesh, who speak the Dravidian language, also called 'Kolam'. Being a Tamilian myself, yes, this was a new found information for me. And, no, I am not here to doodle about the Kolam tribes. Reputedly, 'Kolams' are a cultural phenomena of interlaced, complex dot and line paintings drawn using rice flour or chalk powder. These are painted at the entrance of the house, on cleaned and graded ground surface sprinkled with water mixed with cow dung. Yep! Two completely different meanings, all part of India. That's the amusingly admirable land of immeasurable diversity - a mini world within the world. Moving on, these latter Kolams are predominantly a cultural inheritance of the South of India. Its cultural variations in form and practice can be seen as Rangoli in other parts of India like Maharashtra, Delhi, etc. In the South,...

When I was doing my masters in London, in 2012, talks on 'Kindle' was there all around me. Most liked it. Many similar devices were introduced in the market, and were always compared with kindle. But for me, though the technology attracted me, I kind of became averse to the device for no reason. And in defence, I would use the haptic and simple but sophisticated attributes of ipad, the only Apple product that I truly like. But now in 2014, talks on kindle have again barged into my life, through my new office. Being a research based firm, anything that is handy and portable, which lets you read your research papers and books, is grabbed. And by chance, I get asked to read a book from one of the office kindles, for the book I had to read was not available in hard copy at my office. But, the kindle, reciprocating with its own aversion for me, makes itself unavailable for me to read from it. So then, I was asked to buy the book in my Kindle 'app'. Excuse my ignorance...